Thanks, Hollywood

I'm greatly disappointed in this year's crop of critically acclaimed, Golden Globe award-winning "buzzworthy" films.

All I'm looking for in a movie is:

- To watch shit get blowed up (when I'm high).

- Something that makes it easier for me to glide them panties right the fuck off afterwards (when I'm with a chick).

Brokeback Mountain does neither of these things. Capote - you're not helping anything either... Good Night, and Good Luck...staying awake through it. Syriana? You're lying if you said you understood a fucking thing about it.

Don't even get me started on Transamerica...

Message to Hollywood: I get it. You hate Bush. I thought we proved this last year, but can't we move on from it? Please... I need to get laid here, y'all... 'Cause it's been too much of this lately: "Hey honey, I was thinking we'd go check out 'Munich' tonight - it's about Israeli retaliation for Palestinian terror attacks in the Olympics...Then, maybe we can come back to my place, get some Barry White going...No? How about 'A History of Violence' then some candlelight - what, no to that one, also? Uhm..."

C'mon Hollywood, give me a break here.

posted by TonyEmail this post

Eminem Keeps It Real

Hey Marshall! You’re a motherfuckin bitch,
Cuz you’re famous…and you’re rich.
You remarried that trailer trash,
When you should be tappin hotter ass.

You could be hittin Alba and Stamos’ ex,
But instead you’re settling for “been there” sex.
Sayin you’ll kill her in every song,
Going back to that shit’s just fucking wrong.

What’s next pussy a double-wide wit your mom?
Then you’re life would REALLY be the bomb.
Cuz then you’d stand for nothin you fucking fraud,
I can’t believe you’re back with that ugly broad.

Lemme guess you’re gonna kill me and stuff me in your trunk?
Yeah I bet you are you “all talk” punk.

posted by JoeEmail this post

"Truth" is stranger than "fiction"

From CNN's "Larry King Live" 1/11/06:
KING: And also there's a story around that you offered this around to a lot of publishers as fiction and it was turned down and then you changed it. Is that true?
FREY: We initially shopped the book as a novel and it was turned down by a lot of publishers as a novel... When Nan Talese purchased the book, I'm not sure if they knew what they were going to publish it as. We talked about what to publish it as. And they thought the best thing to do was publish it as a memoir.
KING: Why did you shop it as a novel if it wasn't?
FREY: I think of the book as working in sort of a tradition -- a long tradition of what American writers have done in the past, people like Hemingway and Fitzgerald and Kerouac and Charles Bukowski.
KING: But they all said fiction.
FREY: Yes, they did. And at the time of their books being published, the genre of memoir didn't exist. I mean, the genre of memoir is one that's very new and the boundaries of it had not been established yet.
KING: But you will agree, if you went into a bookstore and it said memoirs, you would think non-fiction?
FREY: Yes.
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KING: It does seem silly, someone writing his whole life, bearing everything out, to deliberately fabricate a small portion of it - a small portion of it for amount of days in jail to prove what?
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The only three calls taken on-air during "Larry King Live":
CALLER: Hello. I would like to know why The Smoking Gun focused on such a small, insignificant portion of the book and completely ignored the tremendous and wonderful accomplishment that James made by recovering from this terrible addiction?

CALLER: James, I do admire you for choosing to stay sober and wish you the best. My question to you is, as a recovering addict, I wonder how inspired should I be now after using your book as a tool towards recovery?

CALLER: James, I love your book and I fully support you. Do you think Oprah will support you, too?
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From Oprah's call-in to "Larry King Live":
WINFREY: And, for me, the bigger question is, what does this mean for the larger publishing world in the entire -- in this memoir category, because, as James was saying earlier, this is a new category?
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From Entertainment Weekly.com's "Pop Watch":
If a best-selling memoir isn't actually a memoir, but rather, a work of fiction, does it make it any less worthy a read?...What's even more eyebrow-raising to me, though, is (The Smoking Gun's) comment that "in off-the-record interviews with us, Frey admitted embellishing facts in the book for dramatic impact." Um, dude, if the interviews were off-the-record, how come you're blabbing about 'em?...Anyhow, whose account do you think is more believable: Frey's or The Smoking Gun's? And, in the end, does it make a difference if Frey's story is something less than the whole truth?
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From CNN.com:
Warner Bros. Pictures, which is developing (the film "A Million Little Pieces") alongside "ER" producer John Wells and Brad Pitt's Plan B production house, deflected queries about the ensuing Frey media storm. "This film is in development, and it's our policy not to comment on projects while they're in development," a spokeswoman for the studio said. (Warner Bros. is a division of Time Warner, as is CNN.)
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As is...Entertainment Weekly.

Hmm.....................................

posted by TonyEmail this post

Movie Trailer Review /// Glory Road

It seems to me that lately, when it comes to discussing the heroes and triumphs of the 1960's Civil Rights movement, there's one group of people who just simply haven't been getting their share of the credit for the great struggle they had to endure.

So if you're sick of hearing about 'Rosa Parks'-this and 'Martin Luther King'-that, let the good folk at Disney open your eyes to the people most responsible for engineering positive social change.

The White Male.



Finally, the story of His struggle is told.

Before we get to the trailer, let's just start with the poster. Note The White Man, on top, pointing and barking commands as he stands over a shadowy black arm, and the back of a black player on the bench. The White Man, handsome as ever, is played by certified hunk Josh Lucas. When I think of a thespian with the clout and emotional range to portray The White Man's struggle to help black people get Civil Rights, I think of the actor who made "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Stealth" pop off the screen and invigorate our culture.

I know what you're thinking - Another movie about the 1966 National Championship Texas Western basketball team? This has been done over and over and over and over again. The producers knew we were getting sick of hearing about the actual players who were being discriminated against, so this movie focuses more on The White Man's role. The trailer follows Lucas, as The White Man, in his heroic and heartwarming journey from Crackerville, Caucasianchussetts, U.S.A. to a scary foreign land where black men are starters on the basketball team, with crazy "dunks" and non-chest passes, and soul music.

We laugh, we learn, we watch a team of five black starters beat a team of five white starters. We watch the world change, thanks, yet again, to The White Man.

Mine eyes have seen the Glory...

posted by TonyEmail this post

Say it ain't so Lindsey. Say it ain't so.

In a recent interview with Vanity Fair teen starlet Lindsey Lohan admitted that she battled with drug abuse and bulimia.

Let me start off by saying on behalf of the entire world: "No shit!"

What kind of conspiracies are you going to expose next Vanity Fair? Wait lemme guess. Andy Dick has dabbled in homosexuality? Kanye West hates white people? Or maybe even that Britney Spears reads at a 3rd grade level?

But, the most amazing part of the story is when Lindsey says that she realized she had a problem when Tina Fey and Lorne Michaels sat her down before she hosted SNL last year and confronted her about her lifestyle.

Just thinking about this situation is about to give me a brain tumor. I mean what the fuck Lorne? Where was this paternal quality when Belushi and Farley were doing eight balls at table reads. God forbid you should do something to save some comic geniuses from OD'ing, but PLEASE make sure that Wilmer Valderrama's fluffer is swallowing.

And Tina Fey. Jesus Christ! Here's an idea Tina, why don't you worry a little more about writing some funny shit for SNL and a little less about whether or not some flash in the pan spends her time getting Herbie Fully Loaded. I mean if I have to watch you and Poehler play Barbie behind the Weekend Update desk one more time I am gonna find you and put a massive scar on your face...sorry I mean put ANOTHER massive scar on your face.

posted by JoeEmail this post